Greetings to all of you who have subscribed to the Whatever Happened to Pizza at McDonald’s? newsletter. As is evident, the publication schedule for this publication has been rather unreliable. No apology is necessary, of course, as I am sure all of you understand how time consuming it can be to conduct investigative journalism at the high level I try to maintain.
Be that as it may, I have decided to pursue a new path for this newsletter in 2021. From now on, I shall publish it on a monthly basis. And while I cannot say what its format will always be, I can guarantee that I will try to make it worth your while. Unlike 90% of today’s journalists, I ask no financial compensation for the privilege of reading this Substack-distributed periodical. But I am asking you to pay for it with something far less legal tender yet only marginally less valuable: your time. I hope it will live up to the cost.
In the time since my last publication, I have made some progress in my McDonald’s Pizza inquiry. Most recently, I have discovered that McDonald’s may or may not have taught classes in pizza making, pizza marketing, and/or pizza appreciation at their Illinois training camp called Hamburger University. Interesting, is it not?
But along with this good news comes some less good news. Late last year, I was the unfortunate victim of a “hit piece” in a local newspaper called The New York Times. I will not validate the article in question by linking to it or mailing a photocopied clipping to any of you, but suffice it to say the The New York Times fact checkers must have been “asleep on the job”, for the feature in question was positively “riddled” with inaccuracies.
No doubt many of you reading this now subscribed to my newsletter after being exposed to this borderline libelous article. If so, it is likely you have listened to Whatever Happened to Pizza at McDonald’s? yourself and discovered on your own how misled you have been by the “gray old lady’s” characterization of my program. I take some comfort in that, as well as in the fact that most of the The New York Times staff has either been terminated or resigned in disgrace.
Perhaps you even subscribe to some of their Substacks.
But I do not wish this newsletter to become a forum for airing grievances. I will try to contain that impulse to the forum in which it belongs: Twitter.com. Instead, I will endeavor to use this publication as a force of positivity. And one way in which I shall do so is by highlighting the work of some of my colleagues that deserve your attention.
The first such honoree is a researcher who manages a YouTube.com channel called New England Wildlife and More. I have yet to watch any videos on this channel related to New England wildlife, but the “and more”-related content more than makes up for that oversight. Similar to myself, this gentleman whose name I have never caught focuses his study on the realm of vintage food. But unlike original recipe McDonald’s Pizza, the food he covers is still available, if only in the dank basements and cellars of homes recently vacated due to their elderly owners’ deaths.
The proprietor of New England Wildlife and More purchases canned, boxed, or bagged food items left largely untouched by non-mouse or rat hands for the past 10, 20, 30, 40, or even sometimes 50, 60, or 70 years. Occasionally he tastes these food items, though he typically just dumps them into a tub or bowl and digs around in them with a fork or his fingers. Sometimes he tests these items for various chemical contaminations or examines them under a microscope for bacterial activity.
Here is a video wherein he opens a can of 70-year-old quail eggs:
Interesting, is it not?
I look forward to bringing your attention to some of my other notable colleagues in future installments of this newsletter.
Thank you all for your dedication to supporting fine investigative journalism.
With all due respect,
Brian Thompson, journalist
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